(the image above was drawn in my devotional journal during the retreat)We read Hitting the Wall as a jargon amongst marathoners and ultra runners. They describe the three little words as such as:
“Hitting the Wall is basically about running out of energy,” says Dave Martin, Ph.D., Emeritus Regent’s Professor of Health Sciences at Georgia State University in Atlanta—"chemical energy, that is, stored in the form of adenosine triphosphate (ATP) and obtained from the breakdown, or metabolism, of energy-containing fuel".
"It felt like an elephant had jumped out of a tree onto my shoulders and was making me carry it the rest of the way in.”—Dick Beardsley, speaking of hitting "The Wall" at the second marathon of his career, the 1977 City of Lakes Marathon.
“I wasn’t wanting to talk much. And when I’m not talking, you know I’m hurting.”—Don Frichtl, a runner who encountered "The Wall" somewhere after mile 21 of the 2002 Chicago Marathon.
“At around mile 23, I was beginning to feel like the anchor was out.”—George Ringler, speaking of his 1991 Lake County Marathon.
“The Wall.” It evades easy definition, but to borrow from Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s famous definition of obscenity, you know it when you see it—or rather, hit it. “It usually happens around mile 20, give or take a couple of miles. Your pace slows, sometimes considerably. Some runners say that it feels as though their legs had been filled with lead quail shot, like the stomach of Mark Twain’s unfortunate jumping frog of Calaveras County. Others can’t feel their feet at all. Thought processes become a little fuzzy. (“Mile 22, again? I thought I just passed mile 22!”) Muscle coordination goes out the window, and self-doubt casts a deep shadow over the soul”.
I just hit the wall! I’m turning forty (40) this year and I think I have reached there, believe it or not. I call it my “Crossroads”.
From the retreat (Celebrating Midlife) material, “Hitting the Wall” of All My Days (A Personal Life Review) by Richard P. Johnson, he describes such as a developmental "bridge" between the first and the second half of our lives. It is the time when we are embraced with “growth pangs” of development that reverberates the rest of our lives. What are these “growth pangs”, you may ask?
According to Johnson, firstly, there is the loss of youth when we realize we have less time to live than we have already lived. Secondly, brokenness. We may perhaps have developed a level of maturity that enables us to view ourselves as fallible or weak. Thirdly, we tend to shift our awareness of time by setting up limits and boundaries. Fourthly, we take an inventory of ourselves and begin to look back at our history: a review of our past achievements and failures. Fifth, we develop a new attitude toward God. We begin to take more time with God and view Him better than before. Sixth, disillusionment. Our midlife may bring us painful self-reflection and make us ask for more meaning from life than simply worldly success. And lastly, a new definition of self: a new and hauntingly vague uneasiness creeping into our lives when we reach this stage of our lives.
All these that Johnson reiterated had become “head-on” to me. During the retreat, I realized that I am in this stage where I am vulnerable to the “growing pangs”. Honestly? I like it. Or better yet, I love every minute of it! Why? My time with the Lord has never been more intimate. My waistline may have started to increase and some gray hairs have become more evident. Even so, I have become secure in my place. I have come home and have rest in my soul.
I thank God for midlife! I thank God for my “Crossroads”.
Poems written:
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