Just a Reminder

by $aMsUng

It’s three days away from one of the most over-rated events of the world: Valentine’s Day! So here’s the picture, a fashionably sensitive guy buys a box of chocolates, flowers or a gift that comes in a very small package, reserves a romantic table for two way in advance at an equally romantic but crowded restaurant, only to find the food crummy, the service lousy, with the ambience of Cirque Du Soleil… which he probably paid for too!! Still, lucky is the lady who gets the whole nine yards.

But here are some tips for the insensitive and impervious ones, who do not have an ounce of romantic bone in their body. These are the top 10 worst Valentine gifts for your loved one (husbands or men if you're reading this, take note if you please):

10. Something that looks like you won from the local "peryahan" or carnival, there has never been an article in Better Living on how to establish mood around a miniature-sized scruffy Tweety bird motif.

9. Anything that you accidentally left the receipt from The 99 Peso Store? Destroy all receipts if the gift is from Citi or Ace Hardware. Remember the answer to the question: “Where did you get this?” Your answer should always be, “The mall”

8. Singing “Only You”, especially when it's sang off-key.

7. Take her with you on your all boys night-out! If you even thought this... If you even thought this…If… Never mind.

6. Buying her an expensive stereo “for your car”.

5. Anything too small. Your sweetheart is not the same size as the anorexic sales clerk. So quit saying, “Oh she’s about your size.”

4. Cooking a romantic dinner made with Spam or Vienna Sausage doesn’t just cut it. Even if your buddies say you can make a gourmet meal out of those tin cans.

3. Flowers bought at the last minute looking slightly wilted like they were picked November 1 of last year…

2. Pots, pans, pressure cooker, vacuum cleaner or anything that involves manual labor. This is Valentine’s Day, not MAID’S DAY!

10. Nothing. Even if she says, “Oh don’t get me anything.” Get her something! If you arrive home and realize you have forgotten to get her a thing, tear your shirt and bang your head on the car several times. Tell her you had the prettiest diamond bracelet but you got mugged on your way home.

* Just a reminder, Valentine’s Day falls on February 14th this year.